Reaching Out
by saxa246
Summary: Post "I Do". I posted a ficlet a while ago, which has refused to leave me alone ever since. This is that ficlet taking over my life. Rachel knows that she has to take that pregancy test. But she can't do it alone. Faberry.
1. People (Who Need People)

**Disclaimer: I'm a poor grad student trying to survive and finish school. I own absolutely nothing but some time and a wild imagination. **

**A/N: So, this story has taken over my life, it seems. Nothing makes ideas grow as fast as a boring as hell linguistics paper. Try it for yourselves and see, really. This also has the potential to be my longest story to date, reaching up to 50,000 words. I have actually finished writing it, but I'm still tweaking some parts to make it work. I will post it in around 10 parts, and that'll be it. I've reposted the first chapter, which was where the idea just kind of began actually. Also, it would break the rhythm of the story if I left it up and then uploaded crazy long chapters after it. Anyway, long story short, thank you for reading, please enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 1:**** People (Who Need People)**

This is the fourth time she has the little stick in her hand. She has drunk five glasses of water. Her bladder actually hurts. Normally, she would be complaining about that, but right now, she's too distraught to care. She looks at the stick. It's almost taunting. It says at the back of the box that two strikes means positive. Two strikes. She needs to take that test. She has to. Patience has never been one of Rachel Berry's many strengths, but she can't bring herself to do it. But again, Rachel Berry wouldn't have gotten herself in this situation in the first place.

She puts the stick back into the box. Maybe the fifth time will be the charm. She decides to pee anyway, she can always drink more water. She sends a prayer to whatever deity that is listening that she's the only one home tonight. She doesn't fear anybody walking in on her indecision. She also regrets that she has to do this alone.

Regret. There was a time that Rachel could honestly say she had almost no regrets. Right now? She regrets almost everything in her life. She doesn't regret coming to NY or NYADA, at all, but if she's honest with herself, she regrets not being prepared enough for the big city. She regrets trying to fit in so hard. She thought things would magically correct themselves once Kurt got there, but they didn't. She still didn't know how things got this messy.

It was only the small things in the beginning. She had found that the big city life was different. She felt so out of place, she felt like a nobody. That's how she decided to change. Her appearance was the first. Then came Brody. The change had clearly worked. Then why not change more? Change was good. Change was exactly what she needed.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror as she washed her hands. She looked so different, even to herself. She thought she was doing everything right, until... well until Schuester's wedding, really. That's when it hit her. She still wasn't happy. She didn't want this life. She didn't really know what to do with this new version of herself.

She sits on the floor, her back against the bathtub, the box in her hands. She wants to reach out to Kurt, but things are a bit tense between them at the moment because of Brody moving in. She wants to ask the boy who she's come to regard as her best friend to hold her hand and tell her that she is still destined for great things, that they came here together, chasing their dreams and they would achieve them, together, no matter what. But she is not sure if she can take it if Kurt goes off on a tangent about her mistakes. She doesn't need to hear that. She needs unconditional acceptance.

Frankly, she's afraid to go home. She's afraid that her father's won't even recognize this new person she's turned into, that she won't be able to reconnect with them although that's the one thing she needs the most right now. She needs her family, she needs familiarity, she needs love. She needs her dad to hold her, maybe even scold her a bit and then tell her that it's going to be okay. She needs her daddy to make a joke and make everything seem easier. But here she is, sitting on the cold bathroom floor, clutching a pregnancy test that she is too afraid to take. For the first time, she fully realizes that she has, indeed, fucked up. This is not growing up, it's growing apart. And she only has herself to blame.

* * *

She looks at the door in front of her. Can a door be intimidating? She feels like the door is judging her. "I'm not afraid of you." She realizes she's in a staring match with a door. She only needs to knock. The rest will work out, somehow. She knows this, she can just feel it. If she manages to just knock, there is a chance that it will all be okay. That she'll be uncomfortable for a while, but comforted at the same time.

This was never the plan.

She was determined that the eight time would be the charm. That she'd get over her jittery nerves and pee on that damn stick and... She doesn't even dare think beyond that point. But she was determined. The next thing she knows, she was putting her coat on and running out of her apartment.

She checks her phone nervously. It's no use really, she turned it off half an hour ago. She knows Kurt and Santana will be confused when they get home, but they'll assume she's out somewhere with Brody. Brody will assume she's with Kurt and Santana, doing whatever, and that's why she's not answering. Nobody will miss her for a while, at least. She feels a wave of loneliness hit her, shattering her to the core.

Tears start streaming down her face while she bangs on the door as if her life depended on it.

She hears the sound of hurried foot-steps from the other side and then the door is wide open. "What the..." Rachel can't even reply. She manages to make a strangled noise, and then there are strong arms enveloping her, and all she knows is that she feels safe and warm and scared and nervous and... It's just too much. A fresh wave of tears takes her over. "Shh... It's okay. Whatever it is, it's going to be okay." The arms hold her even tighter now.

She's a trembling mess by the time she takes a step back from the safety of those arms. "Just come in. I'll close the door." She walks to the window. The view outside is so beautiful. It feels like even the weather is mocking her misery, being all sunny and spring-like even though it's still February. Suddenly, the arms are back around her waist, pulling her close. She feels her eyes sting as the tears reappear.

"I can't do this anymore," she hears herself whisper.

"I've got you," is all she gets in return. She exhales in relief.

She doesn't have to do this alone. Even though she didn't call or visit, even though she deliberately pushed everybody away and even though they had no idea what was going on in each other's lives, she knows she always has Quinn Fabray on her side.

For the first time in two days, she takes a deep breath and smiles.

* * *

Quinn stares at Rachel's shaking hands, trying to come up with an appropriate answer to her question. But how? Yes, she's been through something similar herself, but that was high school. This is… This is real life now. Sitting across the brunette, watching her break down in tears and hear the words "I might be pregnant" coming out of her mouth feel completely different. She only looks at Rachel in the eye when she hears her repeat the question:

"What am I going to do?"

She has no answers, to be honest.

* * *

It's 3:00 pm, and it's now been an hour since Rachel arrived at her dorm room. She has somehow managed to convince the brunette to take the pregnancy test. All she remembers is that she assured her she wouldn't have to go through it alone, that they would deal with it, whatever the results are. Even though that was just fifteen minutes or so ago, Quinn feels like she's trying to call up a long-lost memory when she thinks about it.

Truth is, Quinn isn't even sure how to feel right now. She doesn't even know if she's feeling anything. She feels hollow. Rachel's words keep echoing inside. "I might be pregnant. I might be pregnant. Pregnant. I might be pregnant." She knows she should be nervous like Rachel is, she should be scared, she should be angry – because come on, wasn't her teen pregnancy enough of a cautionary tale? She knows she should be feeling a myriad of feelings right now, and she does act the part. Maybe on some level she even feels them a little bit. But her defenses are all up, she's the epitome of calm and focused on the task at hand. She's nothing if not the master of her own emotions. She has always been.

She reminds herself of another version of herself now: The ice-queen, the head cheerleader. She can almost hear that familiar buzzing in her ears, helping her tune out everything else. The buzzing helps her focus – it always has – it helps her rise above whatever emotional turmoil is ready to erupt inside, it helps her excel at whatever she does. She feels light-headed, foreign to her own body for a moment and she wonders if she's about to pass out from the stress that is undoubtedly building up inside. But she needs to remain calm. She has to, for the sake of the little brunette. They can't both fall apart. She has to be there for her. So she gets up and fills herself another glass of water and waits for Rachel to re-emerge from the bathroom.

* * *

"Now we wait."

That's all Rachel says when she enters the room again. She sits next to Quinn, but not too close. "Now we wait," Quinn repeats. She feels like she should say something, something to make the brunette feel better but she has no idea what to say. What do you say in this situation? So she keeps quiet and stares at her feet.

"Are you angry at me?"

She turns her head so fast she's sure she looks like a cartoon character. "What?" she asks. "No."

"I thought maybe you would be," Rachel starts, but before she's able to continue, the blonde hugs her tightly again.

"No. I'm not angry at you."

"I don't know what I was thinking, showing up here like this," Rachel starts again. Her voice is muffled but she's close enough to the blonde to hear it. "I didn't interrupt anything, did I? Were you busy?"

"Only you would be worried about that at this moment," is all Quinn can come up with in response. Then she feels the stinging in her eyes. She blinks a couple of times rapidly to stop the tears. She knows she won't be able to stop if she starts crying now, and she just can't. So she pulls back, and smiles a little smile to the brunette. "I'm glad you came to me."

"I… I couldn't go anywhere else."

* * *

It's almost time to check the pregnancy test. The tension in the room is so thick, it's suffocating. The silence is almost unbearable. They avoid eye contact, not trusting themselves to keep it together any longer.

"This was never the plan, you know," Quinn is startled at her voice. Rachel sounds harsh, mean almost. "I was never supposed to be here, waiting to see if my future is about to change forever. Because it's going to change no matter what, isn't it? Whatever happens, something is going to change."

"Change is not necessarily a bad thing, Rach." Quinn wants to tell her to take it easy, not to be so hard on herself. That she just made a mistake, that people make mistakes all the time. But she knows the girl sitting next to her well enough that she won't get through to her right now.

"It's not necessarily good, either." Rachel stands up and walks to the nightstand where the box and the pregnancy test are sitting. "It's time." Quinn sees her hesitate for a moment and makes a move towards her.

"Do you want me to…"

"No. I need to do this myself." Quinn nods and sits back on the bed. Rachel picks the test up and looks at the result. Quinn looks at all the emotions rushing through her face, trying to guess. She doesn't have to wait long, because soon Rachel sits back on the bed and whispers, "I'm pregnant." Quinn can actually see the world crumple up and shatter around the brunette. She looks so small and defeated. "Oh my God, Quinn, I'm pregnant." And then they both fall apart.

* * *

Quinn shifts on the bed, turns around and stands up. She was basically spooning Rachel a moment ago. She doesn't even know how they ended up in that position but the brunette needed to be held, and refused to let go, she is sure of that. At some point, they have exhausted themselves with all the crying and laid down on the bed, seeking comfort in each other. Rachel looks so tiny in her bed, or at least that's what Quinn thinks when she looks at the brunette, who's now clutching the pillow to her chest in her absence. She's fallen asleep a while ago. Quinn decides to make something to eat. It will help her clear her head – it always does. And they will have to eat at some point, anyway.

It takes Quinn about fifteen minutes to get some mac and cheese ready and she's back to the room immediately. She has questions, she knows she will have to ask them sooner or later, but she doesn't know how to approach the brunette without causing another meltdown on both sides. She thinks about doctor's appointments and pre-natal vitamins and adoption and abortion and then she feels sad for herself for a fleeting moment for knowing so much about pregnancy. She then feels pissed off at life, at universe, at God – he's used to it by now for sure anyway – she's been through enough, hasn't she? Shouldn't the powers that be give her some slack? She has suffered enough for all her friends' sake for certain. Life isn't fair, though. Things happen. She has learned that by now, but still it angers her that she's so powerless at this moment. She wishes she could travel back in time and lecture Rachel about safe sex. Although she's pretty sure that's her dads' responsibility. Her dads... She wonders how they will take it. They are not like her mother. They wouldn't cut Rachel off their life like Judy did for Quinn. They would actually be there for their daughter. She sets the plates on her desk and walks toward the bed to wake the brunette up.

They sit next to each other both out of convenience and to avoid eye contact again. Quinn finds that both annoying and amusing. She watches Rachel poke her food. It's no surprise she's not that hungry. She grabs the brunette's hand and stills it. Rachel looks at her, her big brown eyes blurry with tears that she's trying to hold back. Quinn brings her hand closer to herself and places a gentle kiss on it. She is not sure what has possessed her to do such a thing, but it seems to work. Rachel smiles tentatively. It lasts for two seconds or so, but it's a smile. And it sure beats eyes full of tears, no matter how beautiful those eyes may be.

"So…" Quinn decides it's time they talked about some of the stuff that's waiting to be addressed.

"Quinn." Rachel's tone is completely neutral. The blonde is not sure that's a green light for her questions or a warning sign. She decides to take a chance. She moves on the bed so she's sitting next to the brunette, shoulder to shoulder and she nudges her leg slightly with her own.

"Can you talk?" She starts with the easiest of her questions. Rachel looks at her, raising her eyebrows as if to challenge her. "Okay. Is it Brody's?" she continues her questioning. She doesn't know why but it matters to her who the father might be. Something inside her dreads that Rachel will say it's Finn's baby. That would actually make sense to Quinn, karmic retaliation or some kind of a punishment form up above for her high school self. Rachel nods, and Quinn sighs out in relief. It's Brody's. Finn is still out of the picture, just as he should be. "Do you have any idea how far along you might be?" she asks gently.

"Not more than few weeks probably…" Quinn nods. "I'm three weeks late. It shouldn't have taken me so long to realize but we were all back in Lima and you know the fiasco that was Mr. Schuester's wedding and I didn't even notice. It only hit me when I was checking my calendar to see which classes I missed last week." It's the longest she's spoken since she arrived in New Haven earlier today. Quinn smiles to encourage her to go on, but it's too late. She closes up again.

"Does anybody else know? Did you tell anybody that you might be…" Quinn stops mid-sentence when the brunette shakes her head almost violently. "You need to tell him. And your dads, as well..." Rachel keeps shaking her head. "Rach, you can't keep it as a secret."

"Seriously? Isn't that what you did?" Quinn can tell that Rachel is trying to wind her up. She replies calmly instead.

"That's why I know that you can't. It'll only hurt people more." Rachel seems almost disappointed at her reluctance to bite. "You don't have to tell them tonight… Or even tomorrow. But you need to tell them before it's too late." Rachel only nods. Quinn wonders if anything she has said so far has gotten through to the brunette. She doubts it.

"I fucked up real bad, didn't I?" Quinn doesn't say anything in return; they both know it's not a question anyway. "I'm sorry I didn't really keep in touch." The sudden change of topic takes Quinn by surprise. She raises an eyebrow in question. "I… I haven't been in touch with anyone except Kurt and Santana, and that's only because we live together. Not even my dads. I already disappointed them so much. I don't know how to tell them. I don't want to let them down."

"Rach, they are not like my parents. Your dads will understand. You just need to talk to them." She tries to get Rachel out of the guilt-trip she seems to be buried in.

"Broadway was their dream as much as it's mine, you know. They wanted as bad as I did, they believed that it would happen perhaps more than I did. And now, I might actually have ruined everything and I don't know how to talk to them about it. It's not just the pregnancy, either. I haven't been happy in New York for a while now."

Quinn listens to the confession silently. She has been aware that something was off all along, but she couldn't have guessed this. "I thought you were out there conquering New York, and had no time for your old friends, you know. Figured that's why you never used the train passes." She says gently, after some thought. "Why didn't you just say so? Maybe I could have helped. I don't know how, but I would have tried."

The brunette gives her a smile. "I know. But I couldn't even admit it to myself for a long time. Not until yesterday, actually. I just couldn't admit it. Not until I had to walk into a pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test by myself and then came back to an empty apartment. Then I felt the defeat. I had never felt it before, you know. Not even in high school when everyone was humiliating me. I had the dreams of New York to keep me going. Now, I'm in New York, I'm at my dream school, and something is missing. I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore," she pauses and then adds, "and I'm pregnant."

Quinn gently places her hand over the brunette's. "We'll figure this out." Soon, they are lying on their sides, spooning again, and Rachel's fingers are wrapped around hers.

* * *

Quinn wakes up at 9:00 am the next morning as usual. They are still spooning, it seems and she feels sore all over from not having moved at all during the night. Rachel looks almost peaceful while she sleeps. The blonde decides to keep still some more to let the brunette enjoy her slumber while she can. Rachel will have to leave in the afternoon, that's for sure. They both have classes and Kurt and Santana have started freaking out. She knows Rachel hasn't replied to any of their texts yet, but she isn't sure if she's allowed to text them herself. If they knew Rachel spent the night here, it would only raise more questions. She sighs in defeat. She just has to wait a little more. The brunette is an early riser, if there was ever one; even with the exhaustion, she should wake up soon.

Right on cue, she hears the brunette's voice. "Quinn?"

"Yeah?" she still doesn't move, instead, she tries to enjoy the last few moments of peace they have.

"Oh, you're awake," is all Rachel says.

"So are you." Rachel wiggles around a bit and finally turns around to face the blonde.

"I wish I wasn't, though." Quinn just wraps her arms tighter around the brunette's waist and pulls the smaller girl into herself.

"I know." It takes them another fifteen minutes to finally leave the warmth and the safety of the bed and each other.

* * *

"I'll call you after I've made an appointment with the doctor's." Rachel promises. They are standing outside the train station, a few inches apart. "And I will text you when I get back home." Quinn just nods her approval. "Not in that order though." Quinn chuckles, and then hands her a small paper bag. "What's that?"

"A sandwich... Thought you might get hungry." Rachel smiles and gives her a brief hug. "Just… take it easy, okay? Go home; think about it for a while. You have choices. Then call the doctor and make that appointment, or text me and I'll do it for you. You don't have to do this alone." Rachel just nods and gets on the train.

Quinn receives a text message when she goes back to her dorm. It just reads: "Thank you for everything."

* * *

Rachel arrives at home in the evening, acts as if nothing is wrong when Santana and Kurt practically jump on her for disappearing like that. She feels a bit guilty for not giving them enough credit, but lies her way through it. For all they know, she was out and drunk with some new friends she made at a workshop and stayed with one of them to avoid walking home intoxicated. Even Rachel knows that it sounds so like a Rachel Berry thing to do, they will believe it. And she doesn't even have to explain about her bloodshot and puffy eyes, she was drunk, after all.

She wonders when exactly she has become a liar. Then she thinks maybe says it enough times, it will magically become real and she will have really gone out and gotten herself drunk and imagined everything that has happened in the past few days.

Then her phone buzzes and a simple sentence shatters her hopes again. "I'm here for you." She quickly texts back that she has arrived home in one piece, and face plants on her bed, suddenly feeling exhausted again.

* * *

"Did she seem a bit off to you as well?" Kurt plops down to the couch with the new issue of Vogue magazine in his hands. Santana flicks the magazine, knowing just how much it annoys him when she does that and smirks at him.

"Keep your nose out of the diva's business Kurt. I might have to murder you if you two go at each other again. And I ain't here to gets into jail, my friend." She nods to herself; feeling satisfied that she managed not to sound like she cared.

"I still think something is up with her. I can always tell, you know. It's the diva in us. We get each other." Santana doesn't reply, but she throws a pillow at him, and manages to get him to lose his place. "SATAN! I'm trying to read here!" Santana thinks their neighbors can't be too happy with all the shrieking going on lately but she thinks the entertainment is worth it anyway.

* * *

Rachel sleeps well into the night. She then sneaks out of her own bedroom to get a glass of water. It's already 4:00 am, but Kurt and Santana are night birds, who knows if they're even still in. Rachel just feels glad that her roommates have found a match in each other when it comes to partying. She has never even been a contender when it comes to that. She makes her way to the bathroom, brushes her teeth and goes back to her bed room to bury herself under her blankets.

Rachel wakes up the next morning with a list already formed in her head. She feels like the whole world is pushing down on her shoulders, but she knows that there are things she has to take care of. She starts with the easiest one, and calls Brody. She hasn't been happy in their relationship lately, but she decides he deserves a chance. It's not like she's lying or cheating on him anyway. She just wants to consider all her choices before she makes her decision. They make plans to go out to dinner later that week. With that crossed off her list, she moves on to the next one, on autopilot.

She gets herself a cup of breakfast cereal and a handful of frozen blueberries. She realizes she's once again the only one home. She sits at the kitchen table and turns her laptop on. She has research to do.

* * *

It's around noon when Quinn receives a text message. She raises an eyebrow at the lack of emotion, but she feels proud as well. She should have known better. Rachel Berry always bounces back.

"Appointment this Wednesday at 1pm."

She tries to concentrate on her textbook again, but she knows it's hopeless. She finds herself considering ditching the evening classes she has on Wednesday and going to New York. She wonders if that would be crossing a line, though she never knows where the line starts and ends when it comes to Rachel Berry. She makes up her mind and texts her back: "Will you be okay?"

"No, but I'll deal," Rachel's reply is fast and to the point. Quinn appreciates the honesty and is glad that the brunette is not shutting her out of her life. And just like that, she has made her decision.

* * *

Rachel spends the whole Tuesday dreading her appointment, trying to come up with the courage to talk to her dads and stress-eating. She doesn't even bother to go to class, because it's the dance studio with Cassandra July, and she is pretty sure she would break down in tears if she had to face that evil bitch. So she decides to occupy herself with some reality TV instead.

Around 5 pm she hears the door creak open. She doesn't even have to look, she knows it's Kurt and she knows he's worried. It's funny how well they can just sense each other's emotional states really. She feels Kurt approach her hesitantly, but doesn't say anything. She's not sure she can face him right now. She knows that if he looks her in the eye and asks her what's wrong, she won't be able to lie to him.

She sends the heavens a silent thanks when Kurt stops and walks towards the kitchen instead and just announces that he's making dinner tonight. She still feels the urge to cry since she knows it's Kurt's way of apologizing for the way things have been between them lately. It's not much, but it's a start. She takes a moment to collect herself and then makes her way to the kitchen to join Kurt and make sure he doesn't burn the place down.

That night she actually has a smile on her face when she goes to bed despite all the nerves because she doesn't remember the last time she enjoyed dinner with Santana and Kurt and felt so light. "How come I feel so light and carefree when I've pretty much hit rock-bottom?" she sends the text without even thinking twice. She falls asleep before she gets a reply.

"Once you're down there, there's no way to go but up."

She reads it early in the morning. It somehow makes her feel sad and hopeful at the same time.

* * *

Ten minutes later, she gets out of the bed and practically drags herself to the shower. It's Wednesday. She has a feeling, a premonition, that the doctor will confirm what she already knows to be true. Still, her eyes wander towards the mirror as she sheds her clothes on the bathroom floor. Her stomach looks so flat. She knows, logically that she can't be more than a few weeks along, but everything feels so different, she feels like there should be a physical difference as well.

She enters the shower and starts humming the lyrics to "People". She decides to watch Funny Girl when she gets back home, even though Santana threatened to confiscate her collector's edition DVD the last time she insisted they have a Barbra night. She realizes she doesn't care. She has never needed Barbra as much as she does now.

Quinn stands outside the brunette's apartment. If Santana or Kurt's home, she'll say she's there for a conference or something and just stopping by to say hi. If they aren't, she's not planning to stay the night anyway. She knocks once, twice, and then there's Rachel, standing in front of her clad only in a towel.

She doesn't even care that her clothes are getting damp when the brunette hugs her fiercely and she hears her whisper in her ear:

"Thank you for being here."

* * *

**I highly suggest you listen to Barbra Streisand's People as soon as you're done with this chapter. It's sublime.**


	2. Wild Wood

**Chapter 2:**** Wild Wood**

**Disclaimer: I own approximately 27 pairs of socks and 5 pairs of shoes. But definitely not Glee, nor any of its characters. **

**A/N: I was going to post this a couple of days ago, but then I got distracted by something shiny. And by that I mean I started watching My Mad Fat Diary and have been obsessing about it non-stop ever since. I might have also cried way more than I should have at some parts of it, but whatever. I was also too lazy to spell-check and proofread for a couple of days (I'm on my semester break, cut me some slack). Anyway, here is the second chapter. I'm also going to update my other fic in a couple of days as well. Enjoy!**

* * *

They are half an hour early to the appointment. Rachel is now more nervous than she has been earlier in the morning. She doesn't even realize that she has been tapping her foot until Quinn places her hand on her knee to make her stop. "Will it hurt?" she finds herself asking. The blonde looks at her for a moment and then shakes her head.

"The gel they use for the ultrasound will feel a bit uncomfortable. But it won't hurt." Rachel tries to imagine what she'd be feeling like if Quinn hadn't come. She realizes she can't. Even in her worst case scenarios the blonde was next to her in that small waiting room. Before she can analyze what that might mean, she hears the nurse call out her name. They hand her a bunch of forms and for the next ten minutes she loses herself in trivial details of her own life.

* * *

Rachel doesn't feel any different now that the doctor has confirmed the test results. She's pregnant for sure, and she's five weeks along already. She knows there is a conversation waiting to happen about it with Quinn but she doesn't feel up to it. Quinn doesn't push it either. They stroll along the crowded streets. Rachel tries to imagine what it would be like to disappear among all the people and just become a nobody. Quinn links their arms and pulls her closer, also effectively pulling her out of her own thoughts.

They end up at a vegan restaurant, though Rachel suspects it has been Quinn's plan all along. They order some food and enjoy it in silence. "I have to leave in a couple of hours." Quinn doesn't sound particularly sad when she announces that – she hasn't really shown any emotion the whole day anyway. Rachel finds herself nodding as a reply. She knows the blonde has classes, and that she wasn't even supposed to be here today. "I'll come back this weekend." This time the words coming out of Quinn's mouth actually take Rachel by surprise. "I don't care how you explain it to Santana and Kurt, but I'm not leaving you alone." Rachel focuses on her food but her words betray her this time.

"That would be lovely."

* * *

Rachel gives Quinn a fierce hug at the train station. "Thank you for being here today," she says, wanting to say even more but not knowing how to phrase all the emotions that have been wreaking havoc inside of her all day long. Quinn smiles at her and places a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Call me if you need to talk about anything," she says. And then before she gets on the train to New Haven, she adds, "And I'll see you in four days, okay?" Rachel just nods and hugs her even tighter. Soon, Quinn's train leaves the platform and Rachel finds herself standing there all alone, thinking about the day she left for New York. She thinks about how different her life was then, how the biggest worry on her mind was her break-up with one Finn Hudson. She wonders if she would have been in the same situation if Finn had followed her here and they had never broken up.

She then turns around and walks out of the train station. It's too late to linger on what ifs now. She needs to go home and get some rest. She has some classes and a date with Brody tomorrow.

* * *

It's almost 6pm by the time Rachel gets back home from her classes the next day. She has taken a walk around the park, trying to establish her game plan. It's the dinner with Brody tonight. She's both excited about it, and dreadful. She knows she's going to end up making up an important – possibly life-changing decision about her love life tonight and she wishes that she didn't have to. But she has to, and she's determined to be mentally prepared for that moment.

She goes straight into her room and picks a simple black dress from her wardrobe. She puts it on, brushes her hair, slips on a pair of cute high heeled black shoes and she's ready to go.

"Hot date tonight?" Kurt asks when she reemerges from her room.

"Date night with Brody."

"How's he doing, by the way? Is he still afraid to show up here?" Santana has a smirk on her face when she asks her question. She and Brody weren't on each other's best terms, really. They had started arguing and bickering almost the moment Santana had moved in. Brody decided it was time for him to take a break from the craziness and had been staying with a friend for a while now.

"He's fine, no thanks to you, Santana." Rachel knows that she should be really mad at her, but she has to admit that it is a little hilarious that Brody couldn't last two days living in the same apartment with Santana. _It must be an acquired taste_, she thinks and gives herself a mental pat on the back.

She almost sprints to the door because of her nerves when Brody finally arrives, fifteen minutes late. She also pretends that she did not see Santana and Kurt rolling their eyes at Brody's excuses.

* * *

Brody brings her to a chill looking restaurant. "We used to hang out here a lot with my friends when I first started at NYADA. It's a very nice place, and the people who work there are quite nice," he explains. "I wanted to share this place with you."

Rachel scores that as a pro on her mental list. She checks him out, not even bothering to be subtle about it. He is extremely hot. Another plus. If she's honest with herself that was the main reason she was drawn to him in the beginning. Rachel knows how shallow that might seem to people and decides to be not so brutally honest about it when she begins to write that chapter in her unofficial biography.

They enter the restaurant, and take their seats at a table in the back. It's quiet, but not too empty, and the food smells delicious already.

* * *

They eat their food and make small talk. Actually, it's Brody who does all the talking. Rachel tries to imagine what it would be like to raise a kid with him while he talks about the exciting new audition he has coming up. She watches him as he talks about the workshop animatedly. Their kid would turn out quite talented, she's sure of that much. She smiles politely as Brody laughs at a joke he himself made.

She tries to focus on the important things. He is caring, yes. He is considerate. But they are both very very young and they have auditions and classes and Rachel knows that neither of them is ready to give up on their dreams quite yet. They can't simply get married and care for a child when they can barely survive in the big city themselves. She decides to imagine it, still. She tries to imagine herself moving out of her apartment and getting a smaller one with Brody. She imagines herself pregnant, taking some time off NYADA as Brody gives up doing auditions and takes up a job at a diner or a supermarket or even as a dance teacher.

She knows they would make each other miserable.

One thing they share in common, one thing that has transformed them into a semi-couple is their passion about the performing arts. And their own passion could as well be the thing that tears them apart. They would know how to make each other hurt; they would know how to attack each other's insecurities, because they share them all.

Then Brody goes and seals the fate of their relationship by blatantly flirting with one of the waitresses in front of Rachel.

* * *

"I don't understand." Rachel thinks this is the equivalent of kicking an adorable puppy. Brody looks hurt and confused. Rachel know he has the right, he has no idea how much has changed in the past week after all. "We're not even in a relationship, really, are we? That's what we agreed upon."

"Yes, Brody. And I'm simply saying that I'm no longer satisfied with the terms of our agreement. Our love lives can be so much more rewarding with people who are more suitable for us. I think we need to stop seeing each other and go back to being friends only." Rachel suddenly realizes she's not upset or heartbroken about this break up. She has always known it would have ended at some point, that Brody wasn't the one, and it almost feels liberating to turn the page on this particular chapter of her life.

"I… I guess I can't say anything to make you change your mind, can I?" Rachel sees the guy she thought she could fall in love with in his vulnerability. But then she shakes her head.

"No, not really." She gets out of her seat and grabs her purse to pay for her share of the meal.

"Let me take care of it." Brody is on his feet faster than she can react. He wraps his arms around her and gives her a gentle hug. "You're amazing Rachel Berry. You really are."

Rachel places a kiss on his cheek in response, and walks out of his arms and out of his life.

* * *

She starts crying somewhere along the way. She has made one important decision tonight, but she has an even bigger one that is waiting for her and she's on her own to make it now. It's one thing to know that she won't be playing house with Brody, but a completely different one to decide whether she wants to keep the baby or not.

Some selfish part of her wants to have the baby. She wants to be a mother, she wants to take care of a soul and love it and be loved in return. She wants to have it all, NYADA, her social life, her career, her baby.

It's a real baby, and this is happening. She sits down on the stairs of their apartment and sobs quietly.

This is really happening.

And of course, Kurt chooses to step out of their apartment right at that moment.

* * *

"I'm sorry Berry." Rachel is surprised to hear the words come out of Santana's mouth.

"You don't even like him Santana." Santana shocks her even more by walking towards her and giving her a hug.

"Yeah, but you seem quite shaken up about the man candy and I don't like it when you walk around whining all day. So I'm actually sorry for myself, really." Rachel chuckles into her shoulder.

"I love you, too, Santana."

Their moment is then ruined by Kurt snapping a photo of their hug and Santana pouncing on him to delete it, threatening him with the hidden razorblades all up in her hair.

Rachel stands in the middle of their kitchen watching her two insane roommates and wonders how exactly her life has come to this.

* * *

She texts Quinn late in the night after being coerced into watching an episode of The Walking Dead, which was a mistake since it's almost 3 am and she can't fall asleep.

"I ended things with Brody. Thought you'd want to know."

Quinn grumbles in her sleep as she reaches out to grab her phone from her nightstand. She shoots back a reply quickly and drifts back to sleep easily.

"I'm sure you made the right decision. Go to sleep. I'll see you the day after tomorrow."

Her irritation when she receives another text from Rachel disappears immediately when she reads it.

"Do you think the government would let us know if there was a zombie outbreak?" She spends the next half an hour plotting Santana's untimely demise and grinning to herself.

* * *

The next day is eventless and utterly boring for Quinn. She goes about her classes, stops by the gym to work out – wishing she could be working out outside but the weather seems to disagree with her – does some of her required reading but her mind keeps wondering back to Rachel and how she's doing. She wonders what the break-up means for the future and what is going on in Rachel's mind.

So she entertains herself by creating a new playlist for her journey tomorrow. She ends up obsessing over one song, instead of things that she can't influence from New Haven, as usual. She knows she will be listening to the same song over and over tomorrow when she gets on that train.

* * *

Quinn finds Santana and Kurt standing next to Rachel waiting for her when her train finally arrives in New York. "Come here you bitch!" She has only a couple of seconds to drop her bag on the floor before Santana gives her a bone-crushing hug. Kurt doesn't give her a chance to recover, so merely seconds after Santana lets go of her, she finds herself embraced by him.

"Quinn Fabray, as I live and breathe!" he steps back and gives her a scrutinizing look so intense that it makes the blonde blush a little under his gaze. "It's so nice for you to be here for our favorite little diva!"

Once Quinn's free from the attention of the two, she walks towards Rachel and gives her a gentle hug. "What exactly did you tell them?" She knows Rachel well enough to tell that whatever she has told the wonder twins, it wasn't the whole truth.

"You're here because I'm shaken up after the break-up," Rachel whispers into her neck. Quinn swallows down the unexpected flutters she gets in her chest upon that and smiles brightly at her.

"Because I'm such a good friend like that."

The blonde finds that the smile Rachel gives her before she grabs her bag and hurries up to catch up with Santana and Kurt is worth the trip. In her rush to catch up with the rest of the group, she almost misses Rachel replying quietly – as if talking to herself: "Exactly."

* * *

Their night starts relatively calm. Rachel manages to convince Santana and Kurt to stay in for once, using her break-up with Brody as an excuse once again. She skillfully ignores the pang of guilt she feels for deceiving her friends for the second time today.

Kurt and Rachel play DJ as Quinn and Santana take over the cooking. They sing and dance and make a mess of the kitchen and once again, Rachel feels as if it's an ordinary day in the comfort of her kitchen and her friends.

"So Quinn, tell us all about Yale!" it's Kurt who starts once they have all stuffed their faces with food. Rachel is startled with the realization that through all the madness, she hasn't really thought to ask the blonde about her life at Yale. She only knows a few things about Quinn's life, and the little knowledge she has is incredibly superficial.

"Yale," the blonde starts, "is amazing. Seriously, I'm enjoying all my classes. It's great to finally be out of highschool. It's a fresh start, you know. People only expect me to be smart, nothing else. And I can deal with that."

"You've always been freakishly smart anyway. You're a disgrace to the blonde myth." Quinn laughs at Santana's jab and takes a big gulp from her wine.

"You know I'm not a natural blonde, San." Kurt openly gasps at her retort.

"Oh my God, the ice queen has actually developed a sense of humor!"

"Oh, Kurtsie, she has always had one. She only knew how to hide it very well, that's all." Santana and Kurt high five at that.

"Okay, have I accidentally stepped into an alternate reality? First you call him Kurtsie and then you high five? Since when do you high five?"

"Hey, Pale Beauty here is not that bad once you get to know him. Besides, he knows all the hot gay bars and clubs and he can get me in them. And you know how I loves my gay bars."

Rachel rolls her eyes as Quinn executes her signature eyebrow raise. "Don't look at me. I actually have to live with them."

* * *

It's around midnight when Kurt and Santana finally pass out. "It's amazing, the amount of alcohol Santana can hold in." Rachel says when she reenters her bedroom after changing in the bathroom. Quinn is already in her pajamas, sitting on the corner of her bed. Rachel smiles at the sight of the tired blonde, busy with folding her day-old clothes.

Quinn puts her clothes aside and lies back on the bed. "I was more surprised by Kurt actually. I've seen Santana drink even more during sleepovers." She pats on the spot next to her for Rachel to join her.

Rachel hops on the bed, causing the blonde to lose her balance for a moment. "Sorry. Well, it's definitely not for me."

"Which is fortunate, considering…" Quinn mentally kicks herself as soon as the words leave her mouth. She can actually physically feel the mood change in the room. She props herself up on one elbow and studies Rachel's face. She looks surprisingly calm in the dimmed room.

It's only Rachel speaks up when she hears the distress in her voice. "Yeah."

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

Quinn dreads what she has to say next, but she also knows that this is probably their best chance to talk about things without being disturbed. "Look... We need to talk. You and I, I mean. There are things..."

Rachel finds it endearing that the blonde is trying to be as gentle as possible, but that doesn't make her want to talk about the hard topics any more. "I know."

"Normally, this is when people ask if you've thought about your choices." Quinn pauses, flashing back to her own pregnancy, especially the time when the insaneness that was Terri Schuester and her demonic sister. She hurries to speak again when she sees Rachel open her mouth. "No, let me finish." Rachel gives her a look, but keeps quiet. "I know I hated that question when I was pregnant. But more importantly, I know you. I know that you've probably gone through all of your choices more than once, and then again. So I don't want to ask you. I want you to tell me what's going on in your head, Rachel." Quinn pauses again to catch her breath, and then adds: "Please."

Rachel smiles at the direction the blonde decided to go with her little speech. "I... You're right. I've been thinking about this a lot. Actually, it's all I can talk about. I guess that's normal though. I am about to make a life-changing decision both for myself and... and... the baby." She thinks about all the information she has been reading online, the adoption agencies, clinics that offer to help with the abortion, the actual costs of raising a kid. She pretty much knows what decision she should make logically, but emotionally, she feels like a time bomb waiting to go off at any moment.

"It's okay, Rach. Whatever you decide, I know you will have made the best decision for the both of you." She feels herself relax when she hears the blonde's words. She snuggles closer to Quinn, and smiles when she feels the blonde wrap an arm around her waist.

When she finally replies, her voice is as low as a whisper: "I... I think I need some more time Quinn. I can't decide now. Not right away, at least." She promises that she will decide soon. But she needs it to be on her own time.

Quinn pulls the brunette closer to her body and places a gentle kiss on her head. "That's alright. You're alright. You still have time. You don't have to say anything now. You don't have to decide." She knows how hard it is. She doesn't want to rush Rachel, or influence her decision in any way. That's the one thing that Rachel needs to do by herself. She doesn't want the brunette to regret anything, especially when it comes to listening to her opinions.

Rachel asks her the one question she can't really answer. "What if I make the wrong decision Quinn?" Quinn looks her in the eyes, sees the desperation and the need in them. And then she decides to give her one anyway. She decides to promise her the one thing she can't guarantee.

"You won't. I promise, you won't."

They fall asleep in each other's arms the same way they did back in Quinn's dorm room.

* * *

**Paul Weller's Wild Wood is the song I imagine Quinn was listening to on the train. It's just such an amazing song. As you might have realized already, that's how I'm naming the chapters. They were all going to be Streisand songs at first, but I have the attention span of a tea spoon and can't really listen to the same genre for a long time. So there you go. This end note was quite pointless and long, wasn't it? **

**Also, reviews are like sunshine and puppies and all that is good in this world to me. **


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